Fiaa Emburem Lipids: Birthrout
by itsLALM
Summary: A hopefully comedic retelling of Birthright involving a Horse obsessed Xander and many creative liberties.


**Chapter Uno: Dragon-Paladin shouting match**

"Xander, withdraw your troops" said prince Corrin who had recently decided he would want to stay away from his (recently revealed to be adoptive) father who had attempted filicide.

"Corrin… don't tell me you're siding with Hoshido… they don't have horses there!" Xander said, massively confused to why Corrin would give up any hope of ever riding a normal horse.

"I'm afraid so... I'll have to deal with pegisi, but I have made up my mind. I stand with Hoshido".

"I fear the Hoshidans might try to brainwash you, I mean seriously they have NO HORSES! NONE AT ALL! Only pegasi and those flying archer birds which are both objectively inferior to horses! Im sure leo and elise agree since they both are on horses, plus camila is on a dragon and you're a dragon-person so obviously you must like them a little!".

"I'm sorry, I can't go back. King garon is a coward and a liar, plus he has really bad infrastructural plans since who builds their capital in a giant hole!".

"It just looked really cool!" Xander rebutted with little thought put behind that argument due to the fact that Corrin had brought up an unbeatable point.

"You of all people should know that is not a good reason to build your capital in a hole!" Corrin striked further with the knowlege of Xander's secretive apperciation of proper infasctructual planning.

"Okay you win that one Corrin. But you have to have better reasons for your betrayal other than father's poor building choices!" Xander said to quickly shove that lost battle to the side.

"Well how about the part where he sorta blew up a town square with be in it with that suicide sword! Not to mention I'm pretty sure that potato selling lady also died, so now the world is down one high quality roasted potato stand!" Corrin said clearly showing he was armed wiht more ammunition Xander origonally thought.

"There's no way that can be true! Father loves potatoes!" Xander said in disbelif knowing of fathers nearly religous enjoyment of the vegtable.

Enraged by this seemingly obvious lie Xander charged at Corrin.

 _ **Dink**_

"Seriously Xander? 0 damage? You're better then that!" Corrin said with geniunine confusion.

 ** _Slash x3_**

"Oof.. that's definitely better, and I have learned that this dirt is rather delicious" Corrin said while laying down upon the dirt that had secretly been seasoned.

"That's the power of horses for you!" Xander said in triumph.

"How did you manage to do that anyway? Last time I checked astra attacks 5 times…". Corrin questioned.

"That doesn't matter! You will die here and now for disrespecting horses!" Xander said pushing away the question before prearing to deliver the final blow.

 ** _Slash x3_**

"Denied!" Ryoma said as he performed the same seemly impossible move of striking three times consecutively.

"That's my secret technique… how can you use it?" Xander said pointing out the triple attack that ryoma had just now performed.

"It comes with the legendary sword." Ryoma said as a swift answer to the question.

"Oooh yeah I do remember learning it from the owner's manual… but that does not matter! You all shall fall here and now for disrespecting horses!" Xander said before ording his troops to attack.

 _A rather one sided battle later_

"You will all pay for this! Now Sieghorse! We ride!" Xander said as he rode off in the distance alongside his trio of mounted siblings.

"If only hoshido had horses… than maybe Xander would be more willing to listen..." Corrin said to mostly himself.

"Corrin" Azura said, "i can understand why you are reluctant to fight… i've heard how much horses are important to you. If it would make you feel better you can leave the fighting to me and ryoma".

"I'd rather not leave ANY fighting to you Azura, but not fighting against that filicidal dastard is not something I can do." Corrin replied.

"That makes sence, gonna go sing at that lake some more since that's my only hobby."

"Okay have fun." Corrin said to finish off the conversation.

 _Meanwhile at castle in-a-crater_

"YOU SAY THAT AN AMAZING POTATO STAND WAS DESTROYED!?" garon screamed at Xander who had recently delivered the news of the destroyed potato stand.

"If Corrin is to be believed than one would indeed have been destroyed".

"THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! THE MIGHTY CEILING DRAGON WOULD NOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN!"

"Should I leave father?" Xander said due to him prefering to not listin to what was to come.

"IF YOU WISH"

"Than I shall" Xander said before speed walking out of the chamber.

"ANANKOS HOW DARE YOU ALLOW THAT POTATO STAND TO BE DESTROYED! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS CRIME AGAINST ALL OF NOHR! YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT POTATOES ARE THE GREATEST VEGETABLE OF ALL EXISTENCE!"

* * *

Authors notes:

So this is my first fanfiction, and of course its not going to be anything great. don't expect this to update often, if at all.

Feel free to point out the many grammer and spelling mistakes that are definitely there.


End file.
